عاقل و دیوانه منم

آباد اگر نمیکنی‌

ویران مکن مرا

Water

See the Water ain't safe no more
'I'm just trying to build my self to
act as a truley better man
damn'
See the water ain't safe no more
'Nah nah the water ain't safe no more'
I'm just trying to be a solid oak
tree for every child to carve
its name across
'The water ain't safe no more'
I'm just trying to be the dream of
ever peasant the hurricane
can offer
'I'm just trying to be some body I
can talk to in the morining
with a smile'
The Water ain't safe no more...

Je n'existe pas!

A Forbidden Status

حرف نزن

بعضی‌ وقتها خوب که از زندگی‌ و افکارت مطلع نباشند. لازم هست بدون اینکه بدونند انجامش بدی. اطلاعات زیادی لازم نیست.

در عمل انجام شده قرارشون بده.

On the Way to Tehran

I got to Tehran and I saw many interesting things on the way and in our own people’s behavior. My flight to Tehran was through Amsterdam with a stop in Detroit, which I later found out I only have forty five minutes to get to my Detroit- Amsterdam flight. With a fifteen minutes delay in my first flight and almost a heart attack I got to my second flight to Amsterdam on time.
In Amsterdam I had four hours till my third flight to Tehran. So I start walking around in search of some interesting stuff to see. Amsterdam has many tax free (aka duty free shops) that you can go visit and shop. I walked around and checked some stuff out. First I went to a cheese shop and start out with sampling a dry sharp cheese, I forgot its name though, and lack of wine samples made me almost choke. Next time I look for a medium size chunk of cheese not the biggest one! Then I went to a liquor and cigarette shop. Since smoking kills I only looked at liquors. Interesting thing was that if you fly through European Union you have to pay six or seven Euro extra for liquors compare to other places. I don’t exactly know why. Since I just found out that a liter of Absolute Vodka is only five dollars on the border of United States and then it markets for twenty-five to thirty dollars, I skipped the liquor shop as well. I smelled a few perfume and my nose stopped functioning properly so I left the perfumes too. I went to get some food from their little food court but for some reason when I see the Euro sign or anything other than dollar sign, I get a little cheap. I get money conversion attack and it makes me nervous that I have to use my Euros. So I persuaded my stomach to eat the banana I had in my backpack and not say anything else.
I got to the gate about two hours early and saw a few of people of my own sitting there waiting. I don’t know it’s only me or others too but for some reason I didn’t wanted to interact with them and I preferred to pretend that I’m not Iranian. So I chose a sit in a very last row in front of the window and sat there. I checked the plains and I got a little bored so I took my setar out and start playing the scales and going up and down till I got so sleepy. I took a short nap and then I woke up and saw they already started boarding. One thing that we, Iranian, didn’t like much was the fact that you were not allowed to have buggy in the waiting room, we didn’t want to leave that poor buggy alone till they warn us or say something that it is okay to leave them alone.
One unfortunate thing that I noticed was the lack of non-Iranian travelers and tourists to Iran. Iran is a great nation and I know for sure that if Iranian starts working on learning tourism culture and appreciation and make it easier for tourists to come to Iran, we would not need to sell a single drop of oil to support our oil-based economy.
My KLM flight was good and I had a few of my last Heinekens legally. We flew and flew and flew till we got on top of Tehran and I saw the lights. After some of the announcement by KLM crew, they would play the Persian version as well. When the plane got on the ground they announce in Dutch, English, AND Persian “Please remain seated and have your seatbelt on till the seatbelt sign goes off.” Even though, the moment that plane stopped for a second everybody jumped to get their carry-ons as fast as they could and run. The plane moved forward a little more and pushed everybody. I kind of liked how captain read my mind but the lesson wasn’t enough, no one felt on the floor, to teach us the lesson one more freaking time!!
Imam Khomeini Airport is the Iran’s new international airport that is the replacement for Mehrabad International Airport. IKA is on your way to the holy city of Qom. It was an hour and half drive from the airport to Tehran. On the way you will pass the Behesht Zahra Cemetery, Tehran’s biggest cemetery, and more importantly you pass Khomeini’s shrine. Unfortunately, my cousin and my sister were not that interested to wait for me to go and salute the leader. I have to go there again and show my respect to the man.
The sexiest man alive by People Magazine, George Clooney, was on one of Tehran’s billboard trying to persuade me to buy a watch. Not so successful though, I barely wear one.
One interesting thing that I noticed is driving in Tehran got much much better. It seems that people start noticing that there are some white things on the road that you have to drive between them not on them. Also a great applause to Tehran’s current mayor, Mr. Ghalibaaf, and the former mayor, Dr. Ahmadinejad, for making Tehran too beautiful with all the lighting that they installed under every and each bridge in Tehran that reminds me of some bars and strip clubs in the US. I start driving the sticks the day one and I was good at it, my problem is the street names and I barely remember which goes where.
I got a few 50,000 Rial bills (aka 5 toman) and these monsters are so big that I have to push it all the way down in my wallet with a quarter inch still left outside. I don’t know why they make these bills not to be cute and handy plus they could reduce the printing cost if they make them smaller.
One other thing that you notice if you travel from the US to Iran is the size of glass. Cups and glasses are almost twenty five percent smaller than in the US. Random!






I post pictures soon :-*

Are You Well Defined

We live in the world of words with their own unique definition or I call it a “dictionary.” Gender, roles, colors, moods, sexual preference, and even what to eat and how much to eat are all defined. If you do not follow the definition you ARE doing something wrong. And if you not get punished for this illegal activity that you have done, you will get the eye or by words to mention that you surpass the limits. By definition you did something that you must not do.

There are differences between wrong-doing, showing a better way to do something and changing something only to match our own definition
.
Each person has his/her own dictionary. We cannot judge them because their dictionary and definitions are different than ours. Just accept

...Enjoy being with me and the way I am or it’s only me who enjoys being with you

Today's Lesson

You learn something new everyday. The more asshole you are the better chance you have. Maaaan I always forced myself to be the nice one. the reason ? I guess I was trying to show more respect instead of being an ass. That's how you get treated my masculin feminist. "you are like my gay friend". oh nice that was my only goal. be the gay friend.

Well If that's how you might have a better chance, I rather be the masculin gay feminist one who has some dignity left.

2only 2

I drove and I don't know how. My eyes were that blury that I could only realize which ones red which ones green. I couldn't move my lips.I only opened my mouth once. oh goddess, what is happening? sting is singing. I'm still driving. "set that free". I can't wait. I can't wait. I cannot waiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!! no i can't

Fly

I want to fly, to somewhere that I could leave all these behind.
All these materials surrounding me.
All these extreme thoughts and thinking processes that make me choke and throw up.
All these people. yes all of them with no exception.
I admit the life I had with you was the best time, but I want people who are raha too, the free ones, the ones that you don't have to spend a thing to see their inside and out, who is honest to him/herself. The clear ones.
are you? Don't answer me. but are you? I won’t answer it either. Not your business.
I'm not sure if I fly I'm gonna get a round trip ticket. I just want to fly. I don't want to come back!
I'm trying to pack.
I don't want these clothes.
I've never been naked except in front of the bathroom’s mirror. How about if I fly naked? fun. hmmm.
yeap I liked this idea.
I admit I like to invite you too. but I won't take you there. I come with and for you but not instead of you. I admit that I can't spend that much time to get you prepared. If it takes you forever I have to leave you behind. I have to fly on a certain time.
You don't have to be naked, but be naked inside. I've seen it with hundreds of blankets before.
Back to myself. I want to fly even if I be all by myself. I'm tired and hungry. I’m not looking for black caviar on crappy toasted bread. I want to be drunk out of my soberness. I'll drink the soberness naked. I'll skin dip in eighty percent dark chocolate. hmmm.
I want to fly. to New York, to San Francisco, to somewhere that being a homeless is not so much fun but people accept you as who you are.
I'm a maniac. well I am, do you have difficulty understanding and accepting that?
My friend I flew out to here from another wilderness to this jungle. I guess I wasn't naked.
I won't repeat this mistake, like all other ones, one more time.
I'll fly with or without you.
If you are waiting for my formal invitation letter and the ticket, I might be gone by then.

مست

چه خشنودم و سر مست

ولی

‌
در درون می‌‌گریم

a non-sense poem for myself

حتئ ز غبار پنجره، نورها ز درون پیداست
من کجایم او کجا؟
آنها چرا؟
من که هستم؟!

درونم چه خالی‌
صدا میپیچد آرام
که‌ای مرغ سرگردان
بنگر
دانه فراوان
چرخی بزن، رقصی بکن، شیدا شو و دانه بجوی
کز اندرونت تابد، راه ها روشن کند
دانه‌ها ی نایافته، همچو لو لو یی صدف بشکفته
خواهی‌ دید،
پرتوات کهکشان ها را نور خواهد افروخت

بشنو این رمز‌ای دل، از دل شنو
کس نداند آن جز این
ای دل، رمزی شنو.

State of Purpleness

I still feel that shock
from that electric spark
inside my brain.
I wasn’t under the Bodhi tree
but helped me to see it later on.

I was unconscious when it sparked.
He is staring at me
with his all time self-righteousness attitude
and his blue eyes.
New York subway
train is going back and forth
like a hammock.
We are face to face and across from each other.
His lips are moving.
The girl next to him is laughing
while she cheers him for this achievement.
I didn’t even understand...
What did he say?

I turned twenty years old on that trip.
My thoughts were kicking their limited walls
they wanted to come out,
to explore but not to be explode.
Inside my brain was like a chemistry lab,
diluting liquids, some clear, some dull.
They were mixing those violet solutions
to create a form or to dissolve.

doubt
uncertainty

Once I saw it became clear
but changed to purple again,
the temperature is going up,
just needed the spark!

My lord, what’s happening?


I remember every moment of it
even the things that I didn’t understand
made me think
deep inside.

He lost his position in my life
the man, the Lord, the master of suffering
some call it God.
Don’t get me wrong
I was just too numb.
Now I can see
the truth, the reality, the game we play
and it’s crystal clear.

Thanks to my father
who never said anything
not forcing to be a certain way
and thanks to my mother
who kept me interested to be on my knee
and left the window open for me.

These thought processes all helped
to let the ego leaves
its favorite skin.
Now I can see.




--AmirAli Kani
Sept-08

2. کریزی شو کی به کیه؟

از با هم بودن لذت ببر، یا فقط این منم که از با تو بودن لذت میبرم.

1.لولی ایز کریزی. ایزنت هی؟

زندگیم عجیبه!

سالهاست که غرق در موسیقی خودم رو میدونم و دانش و سلیقه خودم رو از همه بالاتر میدونم. مخالف شدید با پاپ موزیک، مخصوصا ایرانی هستم ولی از یه طرف له له میزنم یک جا دی جی بشم و اون آهنگهای زیبای بندری رو بزارم. دلیلش فقط و فقط پول هست برای پرداخت سیستم صوتی که خریدم 6 7 ماه پیش. زمانی که خونه یک غریبه هم دی جی هستم یکی از بدترین زمان هاست که زودتر میخوام در برم. فقط پول بهم بدین. یجور فاحشه.

اطراف ام پر شده از سازهای مختلف. گیتار، الکتریک گیتار، درامز، جمبه، کوزه، دف، ستار، دایره، 2 3 تا طبل، کیبورد و...
تازگی ها خودم به مریضیم پی بردم. میخوامولیک دارم. قراره یروز یه گروه داشته باشم و به تنهای همه این سازهارو بزنم.

I'm an asshole میدونم. بعضی وقتها کسی رو از خودم میرنجونم برای اینکه فکر میکنم با مزه ام.

از لبخند با سکوت بدم میاد. اگر ناراحتی از من، بزن پس کلم همون موقع. اگر نه بلند بزار با هم بخندییم.

از بس تا چند وقت قبل دنبال رودیگران بودم که حالابعضی اوقات بد تو گل گیر میکنم.

من داستانها برای تعرییف دارم که تا به حال نمیدونستم.

دروغ گفتن رو از 13 سالگی گزاشتم کنار. بعضی وقتها زیادی صادقم. زیادی از خودم میگم که دیگه کنجکاوی مردم از بین میره.

مردم رو دوست دارم و نگاه هاشونو بیشتر. از اینکه در یه جمع مذهبی با مشروب وارد شم خوشحال میشم. حدف بی احترامی نیست چشمهایی که نا خود آگاه به مشروب خیره میشه و نه من، منو مجذوب خودش میکنه. جوابهایست برای سوال های من.

از اینکه بی ایمان به خدایان موجود هستم خرسندم و از گفتن این حرف هم ترسی ندارم. روحم بزرگتر و دل باز تر شده نسبت به زمان دین دارییم. رفتار و عکس العمل مردم در زمان گفتن این حرف برایم جالب هست. بعضی ها کنجکاو، بعضی ها مجادله برای تثبیت اشتباه بودنم، و بعضی ها سکوت میکنند و انگار سیفون دستشوی رو کشیدند و به وجود من دیگر توجهی ندارند. تا دقایقی قبل از شنیدن حرفم، من انسانی نسبتا جذاب بودم.

تا یک سال پیش فردی بسیار ساکت بودم. حالا کمتر. بعضی وقتها با افرادی که دفعه اولی هست ملاقات می کنم وارد بحثی میشوم و گستاخانه چیزی را بیان میکنم. حدفم صمیمی شدن هست و از بین رفته شدن صحبتهای گل و بلبلی و خوشو بشهای تخماتیک. کار میکنه؟ نمیدونم. چند نفر و رنجوندم؟ آماری در دست نیست.

تا چندی پیش مانند بقیه خواهران گرام بسیجی منتطزر پرنس سوار بر اسب بودم ولی پی بردم ایشون تشریف نمییارند برای ما و بیشتر مخصوص ثنوات هست. خودمون تشرییف بردیم ولی ماشالله دیوارها با ما وصلت کردند. صافکار احتییاج هست.
در قرار گذاشتن یا بقول اینجایی ها اسک اوت، مستر هستم. دکترای افتخاری در زمینه هل شدن و چرند گویی هم زمان در موقعییت های بسیار اکازیون و غیر طبیعی دارم، از دانشگاها و مراکز مختلف و معطبر.
این کار همراه و دسترنج مدتها مطالعات و تمرینهای متداول هست. ولی از اونجا که علاقه به موسیقی جز دارم و از اصول جز بداهه نوازی هست، این اصل رو من در اسک اوت بکار میبرم و تمرینات رو کنار میگزارم، و بداهه گویی میکنم و این قطعات رو در دستگاه جدیدی از موسیقی بنام گل واژه اجرا میکنم.

از بحث کردن لذت میبرم و از کسایی که فقط شنونده و تایید کننده هستن خوشم نمییاد.

خودم رو فمنیست میدونم و آتش نسل سوخته مادرانمون، نمیخوام دخترانشونو بسوزونه.

از والدینی که سر بچشون داد میزنن یا اینکه میزنندشون وقتیکه بچه هاشون گریه میکنن بدم میاد. خیلی دلم میخواد یا تو گوششون بزنم یا در کونشون، همونجور که خودشون بچه هاشونو میزنن.

تعریف کردن و بیان یک صفت خوب دیگران برایم مشکل هست. کفشت قشنگ، تی شرتت با حال، چه خوشرنگ و اینجور چیزا.
از تشوییق لذت میبرم ولی موشوق خوبی نیستم.

آدم رمز آلودیم ولی بیشتر مواقع قبل از پیدا شدن نقشه ام، راه گنج رو مستقیم نشون میدم. بعضی مواقع اگر صبر کنی حتی برات میرم خودم میارمش. نکته مثبت اندر منفی هست.

بلا بلا بلا...

قدیمی ولی هنوز... گس

در دلم چیزی است
ظاهرم آرام, صورتم خندان,
خشمگین
ضعف در روحم موج میزند
امواج بلند
ولی
آنها در میان راه می شکنند

امواج در تلاش رسیدن به ساحل
ولی, نمیتوانند بر روی شنها سر خورند

در دلم چیزی, برای کسی نمیتوانم بازگو کنم
ترس جرات من را در نوردیده
در جمع بودن
اجتماع نا آشنا غریب بودن در میان آنها

ضعف در روحم موج میزند
نمیخواهم, تغییر می خواهم

من خودم نیستم, من در تغییر برای به خود رسیدن هستم.




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